Common Causes of Having Nothing to Say
- Being too self-conscious. You have gotten stuck in your head ‘trying’ to act normal. It’s unnatural. You can’t try to be yourself, you already are. You are dynamic with many sides. The doctor said I had an overactive imagination when I was brought in for fainting. Maybe you are actually thinking of so many things but it’s hard to pick one and articulate it in a tangible way.
- Being nervous and struggling to express yourself. You being nervous because of past failures may be giving you a great deal of anxiety so you are nervous, of course. I struggled with mumbling and it took many years to speak clearly to where I was comfortable with my voice. I find it ironic that I ended up getting a broadcasting degree. It takes practice to overcome these things and then build your competence.
- Worrying about saying the wrong things and people pleasing. You might be overthinking what do you need to do to fit in and be accepted. You’ve become guarded and you hold back. If you are pretending, you are not connected to or sharing the best parts of yourself, you aren’t expressing true opinions. Not everyone will love you. It isn’t possible unless you are trying to accommodate to everyone, which is not interesting and it is just surface you.
- Trying to think for everyone. Be into the conversation itself versus trying to think for yourself and the person you are speaking with.
- Not practicing what you do have control over and letting go what you don’t have control over. The more you have avoided people, conversations, and the spotlight over the years, the less practice you have had. So the sooner you start, the better and faster you can build those muscles. The more you realize there are things you can do to influence your conversation skills, the more confidence you will gain. You will start to see you have control over more than you realize and the more you can let go of those things you cannot control. Don’t worry so much about things you don’t have control over like blushing or how others might think of you.
It’s important to build up a vision of what you want and to know when shyness is no longer holding you back and to work towards that. For now, find ways to be less self focused and more outward focused. Since we recently referenced starting conversations, now we need to keep them going!
How can we never run out of things to say?
You know those super exciting conversations. “How are you?” “Good, how are you?” “Good, how was your weekend?” “Good, how about yours?” “Nice, well have a good day.” So generic, unmemorable, unoriginal. You have to have these but not only these types of conversations. No wonder we never want to talk to anyone. We want to create conversations more like a game of basketball that goes forwards, backwards, and side to side. It’s less constrictive. So be open to having multidirectional conversations. Like a game of donkey kong (yes, I’m an old dork). Great conversation doesn’t care about structure, it’s about what is interesting.
If you lump everything together when you talk, it becomes too generic. Do a favor for yourself and the person you are speaking with and carve out a more interesting conversation. Breaking the rules might seem like a dream when you are struggling just to fit in, but the more you practice and expand your comfort zone, the more positive reinforcement you’ll get that it’s working. Edit as you go and pick out the pieces of your life or stories in your day, trip, event, etc. that are worthwhile and interesting. In the past I would record a whole firework show and not once look away to be in the moment. Do you think I’ve ever watched any of those? No, super boring. Take in your experiences in the moment. Don’t feel the need to hoard and save it to feel another day. Then, have something interesting to say about those small moments you enjoy. Don’t over think it, just start becoming more aware, paying attention, and making a note to yourself.
How to increase your struggle of coming up with things to say
Last tip and fail proof solution
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