“The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.”
Does it ever seem like you have more negative self-talk in your life than other people do?
As if everyone around you is having an easier time of things and you know there is no way they are beating themselves up as much as you are?
You begin to feel sorry for yourself and think, “Why do I always do this to MYSELF?”
When you are shy and anxious you do things you know are based on how people perceive you and it isn’t aligned with who you are as a person.
You focus on your performance instead of following your instinct and you notice every little thing you do wrong.
Go from negative self-talk to a richer experience where you get to enjoy more self-confidence and being yourself again.
Don’t get me wrong, you can be shy or socially anxious and confident but boy, it makes it tough sometimes.
It’s time to upgrade your thoughts for an unshakable self-belief while being yourself.
Why wouldn’t you want to be yourself with others?
Maybe it’s due to guilt or shame.
Maybe you are just stuck with something unresolved.
If you want a good life then do what successful people do.
Take that first little baby step now and decide you want a better life and then map out your escape route from the end backwards to where you are right now.
Just make that decision if you haven’t already and say it out loud to yourself, “I WANT TO BE HAPPY BEING MYSELF WITH OTHERS!”
Now that we made the decision, now we can make it happen!
Steps to the good life:
The Good Life. If you want a good life then you need to do the things that are good for you. You could just do them, yes, but it would be a fleeting thing. So better to feel like doing them.
Feel like doing the things that bring you the good life. You can’t force your feelings so you should be sure to incorporate your values, otherwise they are for someone else or to meet some lofty standard and they won’t stick.
Develop meaningful action you enjoy or automatically do them. Incorporate the things that will become ingrained in you once you practice them and they become habit.
Consistent meaningful action habit. In order to build these values to begin with, then you need to start taking action to figure out what feels right to you and begin a new and healthy habit to make it a part of your everyday life.
Take meaningful action. Your everyday behavior can be upgraded through your own meaningful actions.
Swap negative for positive thinking. In order to do that, you must stop telling yourself you can’t do something or that people will make fun of you for trying. Its starts with upgrading your thoughts to swap the negative for the positive.
We all need a tune up from time to time. Let’s go on the journey of swapping negative for positive thoughts. The alternative is to keep resorting back to our canned, default, harmful thinking where we keep trying to appear more perfect which is further and further away from who we really are.
This is the way to our best selves for yourself and for the people in your life.
Great, So let’s start there with our thoughts.
How do we influence our thoughts to be more positive and to improve the quality of our lives?
That article will answer that very question and it is actually quite simple.
Because this is not about perfection, it’s about making small changes until they take over in the best way. Let’s go!
First, let’s look at why we speak harshly to ourselves.
What is the Purpose of Negative Self Talk?
Because it feels like it will protect us from being hurt and embarrassed.
It helps to assume the worst and not be hopeful of succeeding only to get let down.
It is a way of preventing being judged because you already did the judging on behalf of everyone else.
To assume the worst seems to help prepare our emotions to handle failure, so it doesn’t come out of nowhere and become a new and harmful memory.
We think it is improving ourselves when all it is really doing is holding us back.
What are some things you tell yourself when you are considering trying something new or you have an upcoming event?
Examples of Negative Self Talk
“What if I can’t?”
“They’ll think I look stupid.”
“No way, I can’t do it.”
“I never do that right.”
“I just wish I weren’t shy.”
“I’m such a dork, I never fit in.”
“I’m boring, I never say anything interesting.”
Do you think these thoughts are harmless to you?
Damage We Do When We Are Hard on Ourselves
We take things personally when they have nothing to do with us. People are gossiping, oh they’re making fun of what I wore today. I knew I should have change.
We focus on the negatives and reinforce bad feelings in a never ending cycle.
We hold ourselves back and say no to our lives and to ourselves.
We break our hearts a little every day.
We miss out on people and experiences.
We don’t take action. We wait again until we feel we are deserving which reinforces not feeling deserving today.
We not only cause emotional harm but physical harm as these negative thoughts over time can be a gateway to sickness and disease.
This can’t be good for your spiritual self either to be putting yourself down.
Ok, I could think of 100 more but enough of that, you are worthy today and right now at this very moment. Let’s take these 7 steps to upgrade and turnaround that thinking.
Step 1: Create Personal Trigger Awareness
Become aware and pay attention to what triggers you. Awareness usually includes extreme language using words like ‘always’ or ‘never’. Zoom out your perspective and look at it from afar. How would this look if you were an onlooker in a movie theater, five years after the fact? Look at that girl, she is being way to hard on herself. She is assuming that she will fail and not even considering that she might do a good job.
Step 2: Stop and Say No to Lies
Ask yourself if what you are saying to yourself is a fact. Realize these crazy statements are just not true and stop yourself in the act.
Say no to these lies. These lies are what we call limiting beliefs. They are simply not true.
Step 3: Box and Categorize the Lie
Categorize and quarantine the thought in a tiny box. It is smaller than you, the event, the day, and your life. Consider the source of this problem and ask yourself what caused it. After you recognized it and took away it’s power, now you can put it into a nice baby box. Slap a label of your choosing on it.
You can even give it/her a real name. “Generalizing Gail” “Exaggerating Ellen” “Harsh Helen” “Assuming Annie” “Fannie the Fortune Teller” “Mind-Reading Marge”.
Step 4: Talk Yourself to the Middle
Ask yourself questions to bring yourself back to reality. We aren’t going to by lying to ourselves. Don’t deny reality or trick yourself that something else is going on around you. Ask if you really are the worst person at striking up conversations and trying to fit in? No, that would be highly, highly unlikely.
Declare the honest truth back with a real example. I struggle with starting conversations because I’ve avoided many situations and practice to do so. I have successfully started a conversation on my own though, it has happened so it is possible.
Step 5: Say Yes to Yourself
Yeah, maybe you didn’t share the best story but your ability to laugh at yourself was so charming. You’ve already labeled the nasty thought, now is about not being a perfectionist. See the good in what you do. Notice what you do that is right, always and forever.
The more you fight lies with the truth, the more your truth will come out ahead. Saying yes to yourself also means to say yes to your own progress, not by comparing yourself to others.
Step 6: Further Expand into Action
“If you hear a voice within you saying, You are not a painter, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent van Gogh
Now that you can find that silver lining, then you can keep working on that comfort zone. Stop contracting in your life and start expanding like the rose that you are. Plus, the action will get you not focusing so much on yourself and will bring you more out of your head so you can connect.
Share your feelings, share your talents, serve others, and don’t hide away those feelings. Take an action when you are doubting yourself based on the action that is called for given the circumstances. Speak, be, share, give, do.
Step 7: Keep a triggers list
Learn your triggers so you can continue to recognize them and enjoy the progression of this. As you understand your triggers, you can pay attention and start back with awareness. Pay attention to your progress and celebrate every small win.
Let go and allow your thoughts now to influence your everyday behaviors and habits. You don’t have to hold yourself back and can be more open to allowing yourself to fail and make mistakes so you can enjoy a richer life every single day.
Putting it all together
Let’s say I’m going out to lunch alone, because I’ve been cooped up too long.
- I tell myself “Ugh, everyone is going to know I’m alone and they will think I don’t have any friends.”
- I would zoom out on the situation, look at it like it was on tv or on the big screen. I’d see a woman saying this and I’d say. It’s just lunch, not a huge deal. People are alone all the time. I realize that I feel this way because I didn’t have great experiences as the new kid in school.
- I’d put this in my Mind-Reading Marge box because I don’t know what people would think.
- I’d say, “Yeah, this bothers me sometimes when I have to go alone when other people are with other people. I do care what people think more than I should or that I’d like to but not enough to take a nice break out for lunch. I can take it.”
- “Hey, I wouldn’t have done this five years ago, that’s progress. This held me back so many times in my life and it doesn’t have to now.”
- I would get ready to go out and take the action of getting in my car and getting on with my day.
I’d rinse and repeat every day with new situations and things become more and more easy and then do more and more of what I want to do instead of what I should do.
Consider what else you can do and remember to subscribe below!
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