Is it hard for you to accept compliments or to admit mistakes in your day?
The little overcompensation we do when we don’t know the answers. The pushing away or making excuses for the compliments we receive. It all comes down to not wanting to be judged. Not wanting to be seen as trying to be better than others or being judged for being less than others. Avoiding the spotlight and attention, those piercing eyes of judgment.
The solution to this is HUMILITY.
By incorporating humility into your life, you can start to melt away the fear of judgment and come across better to others in the process.
I don’t want them to think I’m a snob
Right now when you are complimented, you may think by accepting the compliment that others will think you think you are a big deal. Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t care? Like many people, accepting compliments may feel counterproductive, but when you compliment someone, is that what you think about them? No, you think they are worthy of the compliment and you have to realize that so are you. Accept what they have to offer as a gift, it will deepen the relationship. The next time someone pays you a compliment, try this: look them in the eyes, clear away all other thoughts and distractions, pause, smile, say thank you, and feel the gratitude. See how different this feels. Test yourself and learn to accept these gifts.
I don’t want them to think I’m an imposter
It’s one thing to get the spotlight for something you did well, but it’s a whole other beast to get that spotlight when you did something wrong or for not knowing something. You feel like an imposter, like they finally figured out you don’t know what you’re doing or what you’re talking about. Don’t be caught in a simple lie like the Greg Focker character in Meet the Parents. Those simple lies will snowball and next you’ll find yourself spray painting a cat’s tail and saying, “Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.” Be yourself, even if that means you’re a Focker, at least it’s honest and something to work with. Get in the simple habit of giving yourself no other choice. Next time you are in a situation to tell a white lie to save face, just say the truth or that you don’t know.
I don’t know where to start
Just start as who you are and where you are. Don’t say you can lift 100 pounds and set yourself up to look like a fool. Say you can lift 20 and work every day on building up to a 100. Accept yourself wherever you are because that is the only place you can build upon. This may sound like a lot of work and a little too overwhelming, but that’s just because you haven’t started. Start to flex these muscles and it will become easier, just practice consistently. Whenever I get out of my workout habit, I start over with tangible goals. If I averaged a sedentary 6000 steps per day last week then I’ll set a new daily average of 7000 until I can work my way back up to 10,000. This works when you can have some easy wins in your day to build up your confidence and your habits.
So swap overcompensation for humility. Accept praise and compliments gracefully, with open arms, and by just saying thank you. Accept your mistakes or lack of knowledge. Go from fearing judgment about being a snob or being caught for being an imposter to just being your amazing and humble self. A strong person with integrity that is working on getting stronger. People like people who are down to earth, honest, and that make mistakes like them.
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